Willies in my inbox and Worms in my kitchen

Combining being a Mama and an Actress can get a little bit odd. I never really thought that a jobbing actress would start to get a ‘following’. Within that ‘following’ I have had a few weird ones.

It was whilst I was performing at The Watermill Theatre in Newbury in Some Like It Hotter as the legendary Marilyn Monroe. This venue is completely one of my favourites. Nestled amongst grass green willows and luscious grounds, a lake, some ducks and a resident dog all make it like being on camp. Communal cooking, staying on site in quaint cottages and rehearsing live music and scripts around vaulted rooms and a beamed restaurant make it an actors haven and heaven.

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The Watermill Theatre creates great shows that our audiences love. From our home in a converted Watermill in rural Berkshire, we have produced award-winning work that has been recognised throughout the UK and abroad. We have enjoyed West End transfers and national and international tours and given directors and creative teams the space to develop new work.

We are proud to be a leading force in cultivating the theatre-makers of tomorrow. Our ethos is based on a sense of community, with acting companies, stage management and creative teams living and working on site. This environment demands a commitment to the work that encourages a true sense of ensemble that is visible on stage. Our intimate, 220 seat auditorium also means that there is a remarkably strong connection between the actors and the audience making this theatre a very special place to visit.

I awoke one morning and rolled over sleepily to check my phone and email inbox. “ooohhh why has someone sent me a picture of their finger” I thought. Oh. Then the penny dropped.

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That was no finger. That was a sorry excuse for a male penis. “This is how I was all through Wednesday night’s performance” it read. Wow. That was a first and very unexpected. How do you feel about that? I wasn’t quite sure. I guess it was almost quite flattering. I was clearly doing my job correctly as Marilyn Monroe but YUK!!! I have three children. I’m a Mum! That’s all kind of wrong. It’s also a little bit creepy. Who was this person? How did they get my email address? Am I going to have some psychotic, sex fiend knocking at the door of my powder blue family abode? Disturbing the tranquil Sunday morning with my family and the smell of bacon wafting through the house? Yikes.

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It was suggested I report it. Apparently these sorts of people are more likely to expose themselves in public. I had an email address for them but chose not to. The next day I got a reply saying “Sorry about that, I was really drunk last night, I just think you’re hot” Well thanks mate. I’m definitely not used  to such occurrences. Wiggly worms  in cups in the kitchen after the kids have been hunting in the mud- but wiggly willies in my inbox? That’s a whole other story!

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